I look at toilet paper ads on TV, and I wonder. There's one where mom, dad, and the supposedly hip teener daughter discuss what to call their toilet paper, as if "toilet paper" wasn't descriptive enough. Another set of ads has cartoon bears who seem to care a lot about toilet paper sticking to their behinds. And then, years ago, I met box salesmen who cared greatly about cardboard boxes and couldn't get it through their heads that what I wanted was to not think about boxes at all!
Finally a box and packing supplies salesman called on me who said, "I'll do all your worrying about packing supplies so you can think about other things." That's what I wanted to hear, because my job was to oversee a calibration lab, humidity instrumentation repair lab, and a small custom instrument design department. Packing and shipping was something I had to think about, but as the smart box salesman (who got our business) figured out, I didn't want to think about it any more than absolutely necessary.
So. Toilet paper. My wife wants two-ply soft toilet paper, with a lot of sheets on a roll, at a good price. She doesn't need TV ads to help her make a selection. She can (and does; sorry, long-deprecated Mr. Whipple) squeeze the packages to determine softness. The packages have text that tells her how many sheets are on a roll and if the paper is two-ply. And then there's price. The TV-advertised brands almost always lose when it comes to this criterion.
That's it. I have now done all the thinking about toilet paper I plan to do for the rest of 2012. So those of you who determine ad budgets for toilet paper brands can save your money, because I have better things to think about than toilet paper.