Monday, August 27, 2012

"The Blue Double Cross reimbursement panel has decided that at some point you may need more treatment than your payments at that time will cover..."

Dear _____: 

We have determined that you spend too much time in non-approved activities such as sleeping and watching TV. Please report to your neighborhood Life Transisition Center for your opportunity to meet God in person. 

The Blue Double Cross reimbursement panel has decided that at some point you may need more treatment than your payments at that time will cover, and that due to your unacceptable behavior patterns we now have no obligation to provide you with our services even though you have paid us a shitpot of money in the past. Therefore, we are removing all medical support. 

Our partners at ConAgra, Procter and Gamble, and other food producers have agreed not to sell you food, so please do not delay your opportunity to meet God. Your time on Earth from now on will be brutish and unpleasant. As Compassionate Corporation(tm) we do not want you to suffer. That is why we have enclosed a coupon good for one free Life-to-Afterlife(tm) transition treatment. We hope you take advantage of this generous offer before your pain and hunger become unbearable.

Remember: this is all legal under the NoMoreRegulations Act of 2013, signed into law by President Romney on July 12 of that year. If we corps don't want you alive, you die. We corpses have human rights now, including the right to offer losers like you a voluntary, pain-free method of departing this planet once we have determined that you are no longer an economic asset. 

Thank you for voting Republican. 

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