WASHINGTON DC — Liberal judges are forcing millions of Republicans to marry homosexuals. A person we know who has a friend who knows someone close to a judge, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said, “It’s because this way conservatives won’t reproduce. They’ll all be too busy buttfucking each other or licking each other’s pussies to have babies or even to take care of kids they already have, who will now be raised by foster parent Democrats.”

The Coalition for Liberal Judicial Activism said, in a prepared statement emailed to roblimo.com and other major news outlets, “We’re turning Republicans into queers and lezzies and forcing them to marry each other as revenge for years of low pay, especially for judges in so-called “Red” states. Plus, we all loved the TV show Will and Grace, and it got cancelled.”

In a futile attempt to stop this bold move by renegade jurists, Republican Senators decided to once again try to amend the Constution to prohibit gay marriage.

A Senator from Colorado who didn’t give permission for his name to be used in this story told Voice Of America, “This strategy is a clear effort to override public opinion and the long-standing opposition to traditional marriage and to force same-sex marriage on society.”

We were unable to find a single Democrat who had been forced into a same-sex marriage. Apparently this problem only affects Republicans.

“What else would you expect? They’re the ones who think about gay sex all the time,” said Flame Prurient of the National Man-Man Love Association. “I have a job, I have a partner, I have two kids, I coach a soccer team. Honey, I don’t have time to worry about who’s marrying whom — unless they’re family or a friend. Then I want to know so I can buy them a nice wedding gift.”

Prurient pointed out that most Americans don’t spy into other Americans’ bedrooms to see what they’re doing. “I mean, if those Republicans are that curious, can’t they just download some porn movies off the Internet or go to a peep show?” he asked.

While this attempt to outlaw gay marriage nationally is sure to fail, President Bush and his new wife, Scooter Libby, say they will try again and again to save marriage for heterosexuals. A source who lives down the street from a White House employee’s brother-in-law says, “George and Scooter get along like gangbusters in bed, but George says Laura is a better cook, and if he can only get those liberal judges to stop mandating gay marriage, he’d just as soon go back to her.”

This entry was posted on Monday, June 5th, 2006 at 8:57 pm and is filed under Humor, Politics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.