Official statement: “I have never had sex with Senator Larry Craig!”
Yes, I know some of the men who are supposed to have had sex with Senator Craig are still anonymous, I would like to stop the rumors that I am one of them right now!
While it is true that I lived in Elkridge, Maryland, before moving to Florida, and that I often took trains to Union Station in Washington, D.C., I categorically deny ever having had sex in public restrooms at Union Station or anywhere else with Senator Larry Craig, Florida State Representative Robert “Bob” Allen or anyone else.
One way you can tell I am not a closeted gay homosexual who has sex in public restrooms is that I have never made a speech touting “family values” or claiming that marriage is a sacred sacrament that can only take place between a man and a woman.
Another way you can tell I am not a closeted gay homosexual is that I am neither a registered Republican nor a thunder-from-the-pulpit TV preacher.
So please, people, use your common sense. When you hear about Senator Craig and the other Republican “family values” screamers having illicit sex in smelly public bathrooms, do not think about me at the same time.
I know I display some of the signs often associated with being a gay closeted family values homosexual Republican including a monogamous marriage to a female woman, membership in my local chamber of commerce, and strong affection for 1930s movie musicals.
But I still do not believe it is fair to lump me in with flaming queens and conservative ass bandits like Glenn Murphy Jr., the “Reverend” Ted Haggard, and others of their cock-gobbling, sleazy, family values-spouting ilk.
Heck, I didn’t even know how to pick up a Gay Republican in the bathrooms where they hang out until I read this ABC News story.
After reading that scary story, I will never, ever tap my foot again while sitting in a men’s room toilet stall. I don’t want people nearby to think I am gay or (worse) a Republican!
We now resume our normal programming. Thank you for your time.
August 29th, 2007 at 10:45 am
Ah yes another Republican closet case has the door pulled open. Big surprise. When will the RNC buy some new Gaydar equipment? Just when I thought all hope was lost though, The Washington Post composes a step-by-step plan to rebuild Larry Craig’s credibility… I don’t think it’ll work, but it’s always worth a try.
August 30th, 2007 at 6:29 am
It’s a crazy world…. I must add my name to the list …. I have never had gay sex in a public mens room….
Maybe someone should be watching the drug warriors next
September 3rd, 2007 at 9:52 pm
You’re such an idiot. Did you even listen to the tape? He was intimidated and is a solid case of entrapment. Larry Craig doesn’t need to be “rebuilt”… Consider the fact some stupid cop wants to get on TV. Your blog is getting more controversial all the time. Rob, how does your morality look on tape?
September 4th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
As a personal friend of you and your wife, I’m surprised that you should even have to make sucha public statement. We all know what a horn-dog you are, sir.
I know mothers and daughters who are glad your wife finally made you an honest man.
RA
September 9th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
OK, fine… I admit it… *I* have had sex with gay men in public restrooms. To be fair, i didn’t know they were gay when I had sex with them. And I *can* be pretty androgynous. Anyway, there, I’ve said it. Judge me as you will.
November 14th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Seems like hey need to install fly-paper on the flooring and keep the music off.
Brandon
May 11th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Lol, understood